Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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