Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
