wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
