I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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