There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
