If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
