So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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