The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
