Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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