Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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