Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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