You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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