I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
