Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They have beer where we have blood.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
