We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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