I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
