i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
