Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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