so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
