i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
