2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
