i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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