Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
