Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
