you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
