you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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