I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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