not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
