Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
