i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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