My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
