Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've blown a few things in my day
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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