just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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