just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
