I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
