it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
