i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
