you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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