I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
