Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How naked do you want me to be?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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