i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My penis needs a shock collar
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
