I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
