Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
