Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
