Plan B is the new Plan A
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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