i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
