Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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