3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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