My Higher Power is John Stamos
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
