I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
