thus making me awesome and them whores
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
