I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
