You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
