you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
