how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
