OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
